Establishing a Spiritual Practice
"What does your spiritual practice look like?" I ask this often in readings, it helps me understand what people do to feel connected to their Higher Power. Yet for some reason, this question makes folks super uncomfortable. They squirm a little and tell me, "I don't do it as much as I should," or "It's nothing like it used to be," or "I don't really have one, I know I need to start." There's guilt attached to the Not doing it for almost everyone I talk to, and I wonder why that is. Perhaps it's holdover from the religion we were brought up in, or it's our mother's voice insisting, "You should know better," any time we think we’ve failed. Whatever the reason, when we know what's best and choose to do Not That Thing, we shame ourselves for the transgression.
The greatest barrier to a meaningful spiritual practice is negative self-talk.
My favorite author on the topic of shame is Brené Brown. She went viral several years ago with a life-affirming TED talk (20 min) on vulnerability, and then put out a Netflix special called The Call to Courage (75 min), which is charming and touching and uplifting while also being highly educational. She’s published an entire library of books – Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, The Gifts of Imperfection to name a few – and hosts a stellar podcast called Unlocking Us. For me, she was instrumental in helping undo years of trying to shame myself into good behavior and better habits. The spoiler is: shame doesn't work as tool for change. That's the first thing I can tell you a spiritual practice is Not – it is not another measuring stick against which we can score our shortcomings.
While I'm giving suggestions for reading material, let me recommend Neil Donald Walsch's Conversations with God. This book explores right and wrong and how there actually is no such thing – there is only the choices we make and the result of those choices. Oof, what a concept! What about choosing to steal, isn’t that wrong?? What about lying or cheating or hurting others, aren’t those things wrong?! It was an uncomfortable read for someone raised in organized religion (even though I defected sometime during high school). This isn’t the first or only book to explore this topic, and it's obviously not comprehensive in its coverage of ethics or philosophy. It is, however, the book that catalyzed a new way of thinking for me. It made it possible for me to release "should" from my decision-making process when my whole life up to that point had been guided by other people's "shoulds." Having permission to question the validity of that made room for me to explore my own wants and needs rather than the urging and obligations of others. I chose to fight against systems trying to indoctrinate my still-forming brain. I managed to hold my ground until the doors of my frontal lobe finally closed, sidestepping toxic family systems, heteronormative romances, and the glorification of overwork. I overcorrected, though. In my early 20s, I found myself on the precipice of hedonism, dragged through life in a pleasure-seeking frenzy with no real consideration for the long-term effects of my choices, which wasn’t freedom either. So where was the happy medium?
Our Guides are not interested in punishing us for our choices.
While there is no right and wrong, life does have actions and consequences. Sir Isaac Newton told us that (it’s literally a law of physics). That word "consequences" gives the impression of punishment, though. We've been made to believe The Universe or our Guides or God are malicious and vindictive, that they're constantly grading our decisions to determine if we've earned a reward or a punishment. That’s Santa Claus - not Spirit Guides.
It's true that you reap what you sew, it's just not nearly as personal as we take it. No sane human would sew carrot seeds and then feel attacked when carrots popped back up. It's literally exactly the same with our lives, with a spiritual practice, with a self-care routine. Our Guides are not withholding a happy, stress-free life. It's not one of those things where we have to say a certain number of prayers to unlock a reward. It's much less personal than that. We are simply making choices, and the Universe is responding accordingly.
And in fact, if we’re making choices that don't serve us and the direction we want to be going, our Guides will actively give us opportunities to make different choices. They never tire of doing so. The fact that you're reading this is evidence of that – maybe you actually got online to buy sheets from Amazon and somehow ended up here. That's my Guides and your Guides intersecting for both of our sakes: you've given me traffic so I can continue doing the work I'm passionate about, and I've given you an off ramp for mindfully spending your time. Symbiosis. And do you know what? If you hadn’t taken this off ramp, your Guides would have continued to show you other ones until you finally decide to exit. We don’t piss off our Guides when we miss a sign. They won't give up on us for being stubborn; in fact, they'll usually try harder. That discomfort you feel over the choices you're making that you know you don't want to be making – maybe think of that as your Guides squeezing in around you even more tightly, insulating you while you're going against the grain. Maybe relax into the feeling and let your Guides tell you what pivots would help ease that pressure. And maybe let the easing of that pressure show you that you're moving in a conducive direction.
A spiritual practice is whatever it takes to connect you to mindfulness.
To be perfectly fair, the practices we know to be effective for regulating the nervous system and connecting us to our intuition can be challenging ones to adopt. And that's not your fault! Human bodies in 2024 are not exactly programmed to enable spirituality. Our human selves are programmed for survival, and many of us are running the survival program constantly – with small breaks for dissociation and doom scrolling – and it’s our scared inner child that’s managing the controls. For many of us, our scared inner child is still keeping us "safe" using the tools she found and taught herself when we were 6 years old. God love her, she's trying her best because she really, really wants what's best for you. She does not deserve to be shamed and berated for her efforts; she deserves to be lovingly guided away from the control center and into a playroom. She deserves to have her tools replaced with toys, even if she resists the adjustment at first. She deserves to be shown over and over again that you, the adult, are in charge of the controls, and that you have new tools for keeping you both safe. One of those tools is mindfulness.
Mindfulness is the practice of quieting the brain and bringing attention to the physical world around you. It's somewhat counterintuitive that the best way for us to connect to our Guides and the Universe, which we think of as being out there, is to bring intense focus to the tangible world down here. The misconception is that the Universe is beyond where we are now, when in fact the Universe is where we are now. I'm not trying to bend your mind with metaphysics – suffice it to say your physical body is the greatest tool you have for connecting to the wonder of the Universe because all of the wonder of the Universe is concentrated in your physical body. Mindfulness is simply the practice of plugging into the five senses and giving attention to what they perceive in the present. Some people find it's easiest to be mindful when they meditate. Others need to walk. Others like to write. Others pull cards. Others dance or sing. Some people create alters and light candles; some people touch nature. The point of a spiritual practice is to achieve quietness in your mind and lightness in your body.
Give yourself reasonable expectations and plenty of room for the practice to grow.
Know that it's not going to feel the same every time. Know that some days will be harder than other days, yet some days will allow you to experience true bliss. Know that not achieving bliss on any given day is not your fault nor is it a character flaw or something you're doing wrong. It's just the outcome for the day. Know that if you try to meditate for two weeks and it never gets easier and you dread it every time you go to practice it, you have permission to stop trying meditation. Know that you don't have to set a timer to meditate, and in fact I would recommend you don’t. The amount of time you spend engaged in a spiritual practice is not as important as the act of taking the time to do it mindfully – whether that's 2 minutes of deep breaths in your car or 40 minutes of chanting "ohm" in your spirit room in your house. All of it counts, all of it works, and all of it builds on each other. Pick something that makes getting to your inner light easy and satisfying. When that's coming more naturally for you and your confidence is building, challenge yourself. Maybe a little. If you want to.
Book a reading to uncover the spiritual practice that’s most effective for you.
A reading allows me to access your energy in order to see what can work for you and what might not. Are you a visual or audio or hands-on learner? Are you most comfortable sitting in stillness or do you need movement? Do the cards make intuitive sense to you, or is breathwork more your style? Let’s work with your Guides to find the starting point that’s meant for you.
